A day before departure in Argentina

I have this strange feeling of being Sunday night, I'm 15, it's back to school and I have to pack my suitcase to go to boarding school for the first time in a new high school.

Like every Sunday evening, a strange sensation is happening to me, except that this one is much more pronounced.

I feel a lot of sadness, I'm sad to leave, I'm sad to leave all my friends, I'm sad not to go home to my parents and not to have a snack with my brother and sister.

"Did I do the right thing by choosing to go to boarding school?"

"At the same time, you didn't do anything the year before, so you assume."

"I've been living with the same people for 7 years, it's the same stories but different. I can't take it anymore, I need a change!"

"It's true that at least I'll be discovering new things! And isn't boarding school something you should do at least once in your life? It's true that at worst I can always go home, it's only an hour's drive away."

Finally, behind this sadness, there's also this strange sensation of discovering another place, new people. This fear of the unknown disturbs me as much as it calls me and pushes me to come and see it.

Tonight, all these cumulative emotions are raging inside me, creating a musical bigger than The Lion King.

Fortunately, I'm alone.

I'm going to take the time to watch this theatrical performance play out in your body.

I want to cry, I want to laugh, I'm scared, I feel like I don't know what I'm doing.

I feel like I'm crazy too, a lot! But I think that's because of people.

"Julien, I'm very worried, did you prepare this?"

"No, but don't you realize, right now at home it's a crisis, they're ready to kill for not much?"

"Did you see there's been another death in Argentina?"

"I have the impression that we don't live on the same planet".

As if my own questions weren't enough!

"You had it all together, and then you blew it for who knows what".

"What are you going to do in a country so far away? With an unreliable economy! Did you think there were unicorns making poo-poo 50 euro bills in Argentina?"

"But can't you just settle for your engineering salary and work your way up the ladder like everyone else?"

"They offered you a 150k/year job and you turned them down, as if they were the candy man in the children's stories."

But at the same time, what I feel is exactly that. A kind of rape of my time, for money. I no longer find pleasure in it.

It's amazing how many forms fear can take. And these are just a few examples out of hundreds. But that's without counting the excitement of leaping into the unknown, and seeing if I can fly into a new continent.